Where Personal and Professional Life Collide...
My life in 8 words: Organized chaos, by preference. Exhausting, but never boring
- Laura Anne's Almost Inevitably Incomplete* Bibliography!
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suricattus- October 12th, 2024
Welcome! This entry is for newcomers wondering 'who is this Gilman person, anyway,' and a reminder to the old hands about what's forthcoming:( UPDATED 4/25/12 )
- It's not about winning or losing, its how you play the game
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- suricattus
- May 16th, 19:34
I am sharing this because I think it's important, and because I think Maria breaks it down better than I could, on a wee travel keyboard. And I like the card analogy - I have a card for being raised American white collar middle-class, and I'm always aware that education dealt me an invaluable card that cannot be underestimated (and why I think a well-rounded education is still the best gift we can give the next generation). It's not "discrimination" or "blaming" to ask us to be aware of those benefits and mindful of them.
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Originally posted bymarialima at It’s not about winning or losing, it’s how you play the gameJohn Scalzi wrote an awesome post entitled: Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is.
I highly recommend you read it – including the 800 comments.
Scalzi’s post struck a strong chord in me (who, according to his game metaphor got the hardcore setting, thanks to being female, Latina, queer).
I find it fascinating and not a little disheartening to see the same old “stop blaming me”, “what am I supposed to do about it” comments from so many straight white males. As an adjunct to that, a lot of “but my life was anything but easy because [insert reason(s) here].
Dudes: you are missing the point by miles. I don’t know if my analogy will help, but here’s an attempt: (and all my points are based on US/Western Culture)
Imagine there’s a pile of cards in play for the game called Life.The objective is how you play during your journey, not some vague “winning” of the game, since the final outcome is the same for everybody.
Each card represents points a person can play throughout their personal journey. Points can be translated into real world advantages (jobs, money, opportunities, etc.)
At birth, each person gets 1 card to play based on the fact that s/he lives.
If you’re white, you get a second card, if male, yet another. If you are heterosexual, you get another.
Based ONLY on these criteria, at the start of the game, straight white males already have the advantage in having more cards.
No, this doesn’t mean that their entire journey through Life will be easy, simple and without roadblocks, only that they get more cards to start with. Some folks will get extra cards along the way (for money, education, other aspects of Life that affect their journey). That’s a given.
What Scalzi was pointing out that, at the start, straight, white males have more cards to play. What they do with those cards and how many other cards they get are variable.
So, we’re not blaming you for this, it’s just a statement of fact. You (the straight white male) have more cards at the beginning. You can choose to use those cards to lord it over others, or you can choose to stop, think and be inclusive.
It’s up to you.
For those of you who asked “what do you want me to do?” – I will repeat Scalzi’s answer (from the comments) – What do you want to do? It’s not my call. I am not the captain of your underpants.
If you want to sincerely know what you can do to level the playing field, I suggest you start by increasing your awareness–of your surroundings, of the language you and your friends use (do you laugh at homophobic, racist jokes or do you stop them?), of anytime you can reach out a helping hand to someone who is not a straight white male. Small steps lead to bigger ones.
Some other thoughtful posts on the same topic:
(Please note, discuss as you wish, however, like Scalzi, I have the Crossbow of Courtesy primed & loaded…aka, don’t be a dick or I shall have to shoot down your comment.)
Originally posted at Maria Lima. You can comment here or there.
- (no subject)
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- suricattus
- May 15th, 22:52
Checking in briefly to say that Karila_marquise_de_ and I and the rest of our crew have arrived safely in Spain and are having a lovely (if rather hot) time.
And yes, Chaz, I am taking my responsibilities as Replacement Chaz quite seriously. Well, except when I'm not.
- And…She’s Off.
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- suricattus
- May 9th, 20:52
On vacation, that is. Almost two weeks of Away. No laptop. No deadlines. No hours at the desk, beating my head against the wall.
Refilling the well, is what I'm doing. Sightseeing and seeing friends, and reading books I didn't write, and eating meals I don't cook and...
ok, there's going to be some work. The brain doesn't just shut off like that. But it's FUN work. And only an hour or so a day max. I have been So Informed. :-)
I may appear on Twitter, occasionally (@LAGilman). There may be some Foreign Correspondent Blogging on BookView Cafe. Otherwise...
radio silence for a while. Y'all be good. Or at least, productive.
Originally Published at Practical Meerkat: A Blog You can comment here, or there.
- This is Not A Review
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- suricattus
- May 8th, 1:00
Because, like others, having seen Avengers, all I can say is "really fun movie really well done and let's go see it again, shall we?"
OK, there's more that can be said* but right now: that was a really fun movie well-done.
And i will be terribly disappointed, come the DVD release, if there are no outtakes. Mmmjustsaying.
*discussion of Banner's manifestation-of-anger psyche; the use of names rather than codenames to humanize the characters; Joss HAS to kill someone it's in his contract; Pepper rocks; three strong female characters each completely different from the others; patented Whedon fight-with-banter and ensemble usage; Banner-Stark sandwich; etc etc we need booze to do this properly
- The sole meh in the plan...
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- suricattus
- May 7th, 12:29
I hate car services. I've had them fail/show up late often enough to never feel comfortable taking one to the airport. But the only other option is mass transit which would require me to be out of the house at....5AM on Thursday, for a (7:30am check-in) 9:30 flight.
Meh.
(JFK Airport is the furthest-away, least convenient airport for me. They also happened to have the best flight. Meh.)
(and oh joy, yhere's an AirTrain advisory for that period, too)
I may just not go to sleep Wednesday night. That way I'll be pretty assured of crashing at a reasonable hour once I reach the UK.... right?
- Getting a Jump on the (Foreshortened) Week (and next)
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- suricattus
- May 6th, 14:19
Carried over from last week
- return phone calls (no, seriously this time)
New Stuff
-update freelance contract (wow, things have changed since 2004. "Printing costs?" What're those?)
-daily wordcount on FIXED (3/3)
- daily word count on M2G (2/3)
- send revised proposals to Madame Agent (postponed until I get back)
- send section to Alpha Readers
-print out Operation Oy for taking-with
-prep cat-sitters (and cats)
-clean apartment
- all the last minute things
-pack
- go
Plan to Do On Vacation
- polish up "A Town Called Flood"
- poke at "Untitled Kickstarter Bonus Story #1"
- mark up and revise the first five chapters of Operation Oy
- read All The Books on my Nook (ok, as many as I get to)
- sleep
- eat
- see
- Ruminations on travel, packing, and maybe I have too much luggage?
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- suricattus
- May 5th, 13:35
yes, I admit it: I pre-pack. Laying out what I think I'll need, and then fitting it into my suitcase a week before the actual trip allows me to reconsider, repack, and rearrange for minimum fuss. And yet, still I tend to overpack. Go figure.
But in the process this time, I've determined that my been-everywhere, done-everything 20" Tumi carry-on can no longer be trusted (it's fraying at the edges with the implication of imminent hardware malfunction).
[I also have a 18" plainside leather duffle, which is battered enough to look like it was a hand-me-down from WWII. I love it, but it won't do for this trip]
My next-up bag is a relatively-new TravelPro. It's 22" (expandable to 24"), and has served me well across the US, even though they usually take one look at the counter and say "check it." Compared to the Tumi, it seems huge. I'm staring at it, and wondering how it's going to fare hauling around Spain...
[and a friend of mine has already expressed a fascinated horror that I can pack for an 11 day, 2-country trip with one 22" bag. Sheeesh. What do you people PACK? Yes, I have a massive (28") rolling duffle that I've been known to haul out, but that's an embarrassing amount of overkill for when I know I'll be bringing home a half-dozen bottles of wine....]
What sort of luggage do you use? Are you pre-packers, or last-minute-slammers?
- Don't Wait
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- suricattus
- May 4th, 14:20
From Twitter:
@LAGilman We never know how long we're going to get - we just get this chance NOW to do something. Anything. Don't wait. #fuckcancer
If you don't know someone - probably several someones - with cancer, it's only because they're not talking about it. Cancer hits everywhere, in small doses and large ones, and every form of it is terrifying, our own bodies turned enemy. And the clock that is always ticking, suddenly becomes that much louder.
I know too many people with cancer. Some of them have been fighting it for years. Some have only just been diagnosed. Some have hopeful outlooks - some have a death sentence. I'm honored to know them, because each one of them has said, in effect, "fuck cancer. There are things I need and want to DO."
Don't wait until your doctor looks at you with That Expression. Don't wait for the ticking to get louder. If you have something you need to do, if you have something you want to do.... do it. Now.
Don't wait.
- Call for Reader Help! (because author has CRS Syndrome)
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- suricattus
- May 4th, 12:36
Okay, my brain has gone walkabout (after ten books in the series, I think it's allowed). Anyone remember in which Cosa Nostradamus novel a bay (sea) serpent got bribed into helping with a case with a sack of sausage?
First one with the info gets a character named for them in MILES TO GO.
- Oh Friday..... ooo, bookses!
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- suricattus
- May 4th, 9:59
My cold seems to be settling in nicely.... meh. I am draggy and dopey and sleeping more than usual. Which I know is a healing thing but it's playing havoc with the stuff I'm supposed to be DOING.
On the other hand, there are e-books to be bought!
First: Angry Robot (not my publisher, no affiliation with me) is having a 50% off sale! angryrobotbooks.com For those of us in the US, that makes their ebooks Actually Affordable! Also: no DRM. Ever. So what are you waiting for?
Second: there's only 18 more hours to go to get in with Danny Hendrickson and Sylvan Investigations. $9 gets you two novellas. $15 gets you two novellas and a short story. $40 gets you two novellas, and THREE short stories! And yes... DRM free, in mobi, epub and pdf. But you'd better hurry, 'cause once that window closes....
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/980297055/miles-to-go-promises-to-keep-a-cos a-nostradamus-pr
- Repost: Help Us Support Planned Parenthood
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- suricattus
- May 3rd, 17:45
Originally posted byseachanges at Repost: Help Us Support Planned ParenthoodOriginally posted byquietspaces at Repost: Help Us Support Planned ParenthoodOriginally posted by![[info]](http://www.livejournal.com/stc/img/userinfo-support.gif)
theljstaff at Help Us Support Planned Parenthood
Join us in standing up for reproductive health and education. Planned Parenthood, the organization that delivers reproductive health care, sex education and information to millions of people worldwide, has come under fire in the U.S. lately, with many politicians on both state and federal level seeking to end funding (and in a few cases succeeding).
During the month of May, you can send a specially designed Planned Parenthood vgift to your friends to help support this cause. (And if you need someone to send it to,![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/user_ontd.gif?v=91.6)
frank is always happy to receive gifts!) There are three variations ($1, $5 and $10) for you to choose from, but they'd all look good on your profile when your friends know that you stand by something so important.
Thank you all for your help in our support for Planned Parenthood. This promotion ends June 1, 2012; LiveJournal is not affiliated with Parent Parenthood. For more information about Planned Parenthood, please visit: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/
-The LiveJournal Team
(If you'd like to help spread the word that we're raising funds for Planned Parenthood, you can crosspost this entry in your own journal or community by using the repost button below!)
- meh
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- suricattus
- May 3rd, 6:01
EtA: being sick does not excuse me from reminding you that there are 40 hours left to pre-order your copy of MILES TO GO and PROMISES TO KEEP! . There. I done did it. Back to the sofa...
Headache, minor but present.
Nose: clear, but overly dry.
Throat: sore and swollen
Chest: clear but hesitant, like expecting a press of bricks at any moment.
Voice: scratchy.
Ears: clear but with variable pressure.
Yeah, I'm sick. Operation Work in PJs is officially in play.
[mind you, OpWiPJs is much like my normal day, only with sweats rather than jeans and a top...and tea instead of coffee]
The timing is bad, but it could have been much worse. I'm going to keep reminding myself of that....
- This is a post entirely not about writing.
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- suricattus
- May 2nd, 18:47
So, a while ago, I said I was going to blog about The Thing That Happened A Few Weeks Ago. And then Life and deadlines and Kickstarter happened and ate my brain, and now it appears I have a Spring-onset cold. I also have Nyquil, beef broth & whisky. And Cary Grant on DVD. That cold doesn't stand a chance.
But That Thing is still sitting in my brain, wanting to be dealt with.
So. Here's a piece of life-learning from Auntie Practical Meerkat.
When you're trying to juggle the bits and pieces that make up life - personal and professional - sometimes you drop a bit or a piece. I did. I screwed up (it happens), and someone felt insulted by my actions or lack thereof.
It wasn't intentional, and when it was brought to my attention, I felt terrible, and apologized immediately.
[occasionally, I insult people intentionally. They get a very different response. And it's usually quite pointy.]
Based on the silence since then, my apology was not acceptable/not accepted. This person chose to be offended and insulted, and nothing I would do or say could change that.
This sucks, on several levels. Nobody wants to be the bad guy, especially when they didn't mean to be offensive. And this was someone I had hoped to build a better relationship with, not burn bridges.
So that rejection, coupled with my original screwup, dumped me into choppy emotional water. And like any true Virgo, once I begin to analyse, I can't stop the what-ifs and maybe-thens. For the next day or so I kept thinking "what could I have said, that would have made it better? What did that person want, that I didn't give? Was what I did so terrible that I can never be forgiven, ever, no matter how unintentional it was?"
And the answers were, respectively: probably nothing, possibly more than I am morally responsible for, and no, it wasn't.
(I've skirted that level, I've seen that level. This was just a screwup.)
And here's what, after those emotional capsizes, I remembered. If someone chooses not to accept an honest apology, there's nothing you or I can do to convince them otherwise. We can only control our own behavior.
There is a mantra I learned during therapy, when I was in my 30's and going through a metric load of emotional crap: When rebuked, consider the charge fully, and then either refute it, or accept it. Use the rebuke to look into your behavior and/or words, and do better, as and where needed. Then let go, and move forward.
Or, in shorter words: we can't fix things that want to be broken. Don't, in trying, let yourself get broken, too.
- *dignified dignified remain dignified oh hell SQUEEEEEEEEEE!*
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- suricattus
- May 1st, 22:45
happy
WE DID IT! Sylvan Investigations is in business - the Cosa Nostradamus stories will continue!
Woo! and a hearty THANK YOU to everyone who decided that yes, Danny needed his stories, too! We will now end the shameless shilling portion of this project, and start with the gleeful chortling, scribbling, and snippet-sharing....
(If you were hesitating, or fence-sitting, or just like to come in at the last minute, you still have two days left to join in. After that, the window closes, and I can't guarantee these stories will hit the market again....)
Note to self: add "write two novellas and two short stories" to the 2012 to-do list. Also, stock up on the caffeine....
[the choice of icons is deliberate as well as appropriate.... Danny Hendrickson was - it was pointed out to me after the fact - physically based on Tim Hutton. First time I've done that since Sergei Didier (Mitch Pileggi)- and this time I didn't even realize it. Heh.]
